Singing the whole way home

I’m having this strange desire to write – not sure what this is all about but for the last two days I have really wanted to write and currently all I write is facebook updates or blogs. We are opting for blogs.
So now that my brain has happily constructed that sentence it is content to sit back and watch me type randomly. Driving home, in the dark, late at night, I was listening/singing with the radio and it really made me sit back and think about music. People say that smells are the things that trigger the fastest memory but I am not really sure. In some ways a smell may make me think of an instant in time – but a song gives me a much more complete memory. Something that a glimpse of a person or the thought of a location. No, a song gives me a memory of what I was doing and more importantly who I was when the song meant so much to me.
For example – the song Collide by Howie Day. The memory that is permanently assigned to that song is driving over the grade into San Luis Obispo for the first time. The words in the song have nothing to do with driving or anything like that, rather it was the song that was playing while I drove over the grade into SLO in the pouring rain. Wow, what a different person I was then. So scare, so unsure of what lay ahead. And yet, there was still the same determined spirit and the curiosity. I had not yet lived on the dairy with Jenn, I had not yet sat in wonder in Bio 161, I had not yet gone back to teach the Supplemental workshop for 161 and been amazed all over again at how the material was presented and how amazing it really all is. But every time I hear that song I can almost see the rain pouring down (it never poured again like that as I drove over the grade) and wondering what college was really going to be like.
Another one – going even farther back – was a song from a soundtrack called “The tide is high”. Yes, it was not the original but a remix, but for me that remix was almost more appropriate. The song talks about how all the girls like the same guy but maybe he will look at her (the singer). At the time I had the worse crush on the same guy I think everyone in by grade had. Like couldn’t even sit next to him and focus bad. How young I felt. Maybe he would notice me? Maybe I have grown cynical from that time but now I figure no one is actually going to notice me much.
Sometime the songs are assigned memories because of when they are played. Sometime they are assigned a memory because of what the words say. Sometimes it is a feeling. I think music is the emotion I feel if you could hear it. It contains all the things I see and feel.
If I had to pin down a song for the fall it would definitely be either “Rhythm of Love” by the Plain White T’s or Sara Bareilles’ song “King of Everything”. Not because they hold a deep meaning to me that applies to this fall but definitely because that is when they have been played and every time they come on I turn the volume up high and sing along. Not because I sound all the fantastic – more because it is just too fun not to. Perhaps I should make this a habit and see where the seasons take me. Oh! Season – Christmas music is just around the corner.

Dissasociation

This is my piece of fluff for the day.

Have you ever tried to not focus on something. You know - don't think about those pink elephant?


So next time you really need to get your mind somewhere else (and you have a friend to play with of course) try this.

You say a word ("elephant")

then they have to say a different word that is not related at all to your word ("roses")


How you make sure they are related is totally up to you. Maybe you knew an elephant named roses - so maybe that doesn't work. BUT maybe your mind went Elephant - africa - hot - texas - yellow rose of texas - Roses!


So I don't know where this blog is going but I think this game really streaches you imagination. Can you make a chain link so far? What does that means about your brain? I personally think if you practice it means you don't dwell on a topic too long. Now you have to ask yourself if THAT is a good thing.

Ya, okay I think I am made my point - now you need to go see how hard it is to actually play.

Dizzy

So obviously I have been really horrible about posting pictures. I mean I often (not always but often) take them but I can't seem to find the time to get them online. So in the meantime I thought I would just write a plain blog entry.
I feel like my world is running at top speed and it is making me dizzy.
First school has started again, that means I am back to taking classes. Homework, stress, other type of stress, getting to school on time, making teachers like you and so on and so forth. This quarter I am really stressed that I will do poorly again like I did in spring quarter. My favorite teacher tells me she has faith that I will do fine. Unfortunately this doesn't seem to help - really just one more person to let down. Maybe I will be fine - maybe I will invoke my back-up plan. Either way I worries me.
Then one of my first crushes is getting married. I know I should not admit this but still, when I found out I was very surprised. No, there are no more feelings like that, just the "wow, I can't believe we've reached that age" The notion, or thought, or something has been sitting at the back of my mind. Like those little flashes of light you see out of the corner of your eye when you are not looking.
Then my good friend is moving to the east coast. I know that we are all adults now, and we call all get on a plane a visit, and thank the Lord for facebook and chat to stay in contact with, but I am still going to miss him. I don't get attached to people very quickly. And most people I don't get attached to at all, but I still feel strangely sad. It is like one more flash of light on the edge of my vision.
Finally you add in thinking of trying to come up with Christmas presents, thinking of going down and visiting Cal Poly - most honestly to see the teacher mentioned above, a book I am reading is really sticking with me, and life with the goats and I feel like I am going to be a twitchy person soon.
Maybe when this all passes and it is all a distant memory I will laugh at how easy my life was but boy the forest seems thick now.

Tomatoes!

I am amazed how bad I have gotten at this. I have been posting to the 365project website, but wow, it has been several weeks since I posted here. Well!! to make up for it I will post a certain amount of pictures on the theme that seems to have overcome my life right now: TOMATOES!!!!

So many... so little time.

Kaylinn comes to the show!

Kaylinn showing Arizona! How cool is that!

Old places and pens

Last night we went out an pulled fencing from the house where we use to live. I did not grow up here, nor do I have any family here, but it is still interesting to look at where the goats use to live. Such a small area compared with the pasture they have now.

I know that the house has nothing to do with me, but it was really the first place I felt safe after high school, maybe even jr high. Like no one was going to get me there, I could hide there. I know it was more the people than anything else, but even when I was alone there was something comforting there. I am not sad that I left, but there is some emotion there, even if I can't seem to figure out what it is. Maybe a little bit like pity for the house, I'm not sure.

Messy Seeds

There is something about this picture that reminds me of my life as it stands right now. Full of Lepidium seed and really messy and lost. Sad but true